My Story

I promise you there is another way to experience motherhood, I was once the stressed out, burnt out, mother, the one deeply committed to being perfect. You know the one, gentle parenting, breaking generational cycles, immaculate house, homemade meals, who ran successful businesses & made time for romance & self care. Accept I didn’t, I couldn’t uphold or maintain the crazy high expectations I had placed on myself. I went to bed each night vowing to be better tomorrow, to do better tomorrow. I would lay awake watching my children sleep, my heart so full of love & yet waves of guilt would wash over me. When I became a mother 8 years ago with my first child I literally split in two. I didn’t realize it right away. In fact it took almost 4 years before I recognized that I had been in a tug of war with myself. The mother I am & wanted to be was constantly competing with the women I was becoming. I love being a mother, I also love time alone & feel a deep sense of purpose in the world & wanted to work in a way that filled my heart & soul but I didn’t know how to do & be both. I lived in a constant state of overwhelm, stress, discomfort, exhaustion that inevitably led to burn out, guilt & shame. I was not the mother I wanted to be nor was I the women I knew I was. Instead I was trying to keep up with a pace everyone else had set, I was trying to prove my worth & significance outside of the unseen, unpaid workload of a mother. I was living my life based on the ideals of success determined by others, on paper I was successful, had the businesses, the house, the marriage, the children & yet it felt anything but.